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Jokes and Lymerics

Wanna Know Whats Funny?

A man walks into the same bar he was in the night before, sits down in front of the bartender and orders a beer.

Man: Last night I was so drunk i went home and blew chunks!

Bartender: Yea? well I know this guy who got so pissed last night, he crashed his car in the garage, got into a fight with his wife, knocked over a candle and burnt his house down to the ground!

Man: No, You don't understand, Chunks is my dog!

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar.

Brunette to bartender: where's the ladies room?

Bartender: (points to his left) down the hall there! Theres a magic mirror in there. If you say something true, you'll get a great reward, but beware, you tell a lie, and you'll be sucked into the mirror forever!

So the brunette walks into the bathroom, does her business, then washes up, she then says "I think I'm the smartest woman in the bar" All of a sudden, keys to a porche fly out of the mirror. Then the Redhead walks in, does her business, and then while washing her hands she says "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in this bar." All of a sudden a million bucks fly's out of the mirror.

So the Blonde walks in, does her business, then while washing her hands she says "I think...." POOF! she gets sucked into the mirror forever.

Q:How do you get 100 cows into a barn?
A:But BINGO above the door.

Q:Why do they call it P.M.S?
A:Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Q:Whats the difference between a woman and a beer?
A:A beer doesn't get jealous when you drink another beer.


Q:How does a blonde turn on the after sex?
A:She opens the car door.

Q:Why does a blondes need Y-shaped coffin?
A:Because as soon as she lies down she spreads her legs.

Q:What does a blonde say first thing in the morning?
A:So are you all on the same team?

Q:What do you call 6 blondes around a telephone poll?
A:A 6pack.

I'll get back to you.